Some of you may have heard of SCRUM methodology. Some of you may even be using SCRUM.
SCRUM is another in a long line of false hopes for PMs to help them gain control over their development teams. The typical argument for the methodology de jour is late deliveries and lack of understanding of what will be delivered. Of course PMs are never responsible for that. When is the last time you just called your developers in a room to say that the system is great and the features you asked for are working great? Ever? That’s right; you can only remember all the bugs. Even with SCRUM you will be up to your old tricks of changing specifications (you don't write requirements when you work with engineers) mid stream, trying to add additional work while the developers are trying to compile code, demanding constant updates and status reports, and my personal favorite telling developers how to write their code (typically in the language Slavic Yogopatanium).
A favorite site of mine is http://www.scrumsucks.com/. Here you will find many top 10 lists on the woes of the SCRUM mythology. Fun stuff. Funny thing is that product managers - oops I'm sorry product owners - think this site is written in jest. It is not - so stop laughing as the joke is on you. Top 10 lists don't seem to be enought:
20. Did we mention not to miss the daily stand up meetings? Show a little respect that you even care.
19. PBL does not mean Probably Maybe Later I will get you the details. The peeps can’t give you task and hours if you can’t even describe what you want.
18. A sprint is not over until all the work is done – don’t schedule the next planning meeting on the day we’re trying to put something into production.
17. The daily standup is the place where you get your status not at the desk of the development and testing teams.
16. No, Session Bean and Entity Beans do not come in a salad. And don’t act like you even know what an EJB is.
15. Why do you think you will be the best person for Scrum Master? Think about it…..
14. There are only 4 priorities for anything – Low, Medium, High, and Urgent. And the first one does not count.
13. It is really annoying when PMs are writing PBLs during the planning meeting. If you couldn’t get it in there before the meeting then it must not have been very important to you.
12. Do you realize that most of the developers make more money than you and therefore their time is much more valuable? Stop with all the meetings because after you go home most of them have to stay to complete the hours for the burn down.
11. Remember that developers won’t respect you very long when you don’t make the connection that they are the same people who make you successful.
